The Man Who Does Not Know Love

She was beside me , taking notes
Her eyes straight to her own writings
She was in her own zone
My gaze left unnoticed

We talked about tons of things
She taught me things
I returned the favor

I knew she adored me
Everybody knew
Her loving eyes were so clear
Her kindness and her efforts
I knew that.

I don't know how exactly
But I felt nothing
Cold but true, nothing
I wonder how genuine love feels
Never once have I...

That day she told me she loved me
She was about to cry ,I knew
I wasn't sure what to say
I can't be with her
I think love isn't real, just brain reactions

I have priorities and dreams
I can't stay in one position
I can't love as how she loves me
And I'm sorry for that

A year passed
She was different , very
Her childish eyes are now deep as an adult's
I could tell lots of things are going on in her life
I knew nothing anymore, unlike back then

I knew nothing

I saw remnants of her affection when she looked at me
Did I scar her so badly? She still remembered me
I was just glad we could talk normally
The thing was I've never even been in love
I wonder how it feels
I envy her to be able to feel it

Friends teased us, she just laughed,
But the laugh wasn't the happy laugh I once heard every single day
They asked me what if someday I fell for her
I said, "Let things flow naturally"

I wonder
How love feels


It has been months I haven't seen her
She looks happy in her social medias
Is she well? I guess so
She seems to be busy too.
I saw her and she didn't look at me that way anymore
I could tell, that heart didn't belong to me anymore
And will never be.

Now she's gazing at another
Her round eyes sparkling
And the man smiles to her, making her happy
 I realize I have nobody
Am I lonely?
Do I start regretting?
Do I actually....Like her?
I do not even know and I wonder if I will ever know
How love feels
What love is.




A/N : This is the man's PoV from the last post. The man who rejected her

Have Faith , Have Hope

“It feels like it has been a long time since the last time I gazed around,”  the girl absentmindedly said to her friend. “What do you mean?” Mia wondered. “You know… I think I am interested in a guy,” the girl blushed a bit, ”B-but I barely know about him.” Mia shrugged and sighed in relief, “Hmmm… But I am glad you have finally moved on.” The girl smiled, lost in thought.

“              I was once entrapped in an endless cycle, unable to get out.

All that consumed me was memories of him, of us.

Smile, pain, tears… All of the bundled up emotions swelling inside me

He was once my everything, the centre of my universe. Everything he said sounded so right and smart. 

The only thing I disagreed with him was when he said Love is not real , it does not exist. How could you say that, when I loved you so much? I wasted gallons of tears that time.

I loved him so much , and I know he will always have a place in my heart. I can never forget him who once took total control of my thinking abilities. 

Even after parting ways, I missed him.

His eyes, big hands, warm eyes, body scent… The small little gestures I know well

His voice, the way he talked… I found everything sexy that time. I wanted him so bad it hurt. Though he clearly rejected me away, he would occasionally acted sweet and drew me falling back to him. It was cruel.

It hurt and it still hurts to remember, I was into him for five long years and I doubted I’d ever recover from this hellish “disease” controlling my heart. I even doubted I have any love left for another. They say time heals all, why hasn’t mine healed yet?

Then I met another man in an unexpected place.

I knew nothing about him, yet my eyes followed him. He was charming, firm, strong, loving and kind. I saw his serious eyes and couldn’t tell what he was thinking.  I tried talking to him, asking for help which he did. He said, ”Count on me anytime”. Anytime?

I don’t exactly know what it is that is special about him. He isn’t a very good-looking type, cassanova type or prince type. But something drew me out of my hiding cocoon and I have no idea what even till now. Maybe it is his kindness , who knows.

It is too early to say I like him, we barely know each other and only met a short time. I’m not even sure when we can meet again but one fact alone paints a smile on my lips : I am free from the hellish cycle. My heart is ready for new gazillion possibilities and love. So time does heal all.

Even now, I’m still very afraid of the prospect of falling in love and getting hurt again. I still wipe my tears when I remember how the one I used to love so bad tossed me away with ridiculous answer like Your love ain’t real. Yes, I am scared but I am also excited at the same time. I can live normally like others now.

I can’t always wait for you, love. Five years worth of sorrow is more than enough. If I owed you in our past lives , consider it paid now. We are even. Dear, I   cannot   wait   for   you    forever. You will always be in my memories, that much is true but I gotta move on with my life. Siuil a run , Is go dté tú mo mhúirnín slán*

I can say with confidence now there is currently no man I love and I’m excited for the future above. Pain can’t be avoided, but at least it can be a lesson. My dear destined one, wherever you are, if you are now lonely thinking you can never get past this point… Deep down, believe that I exist. Because I do. Someday , somehow , somewhere we will be laughing about our insecurities.

For all the people stopping and staring, not moving forward, the time will indeed arrive and you can write a brand new chapter of life. Believe so. Butterflies will come back eventually to the field of flowers. Have faith, have hope        “

“KANA! You spacing out?” Mia grumbled in her akimbo position.

“I-I am sorry! Where were we?”

“You better tell me all about this charming man who snatched your eyes!” The two girls laughed happily.

A/N : Sorry for not updating for so long, I was on a trip to China (hehehee) and I must say I have tons of ideas now so stay tuned! This short rantings (ehm…) was inspired by friend who told me all about her love stories all night long via BBM when I was on that trip. Enjoy!

Sorry for making ur stories to this post XD

* siuil a run = Walk my love

Is go dté tú mo mhúirnín slán = May you be safe, my dear

-quoted from Irish folk song Siuil A Run

image taken by myself, at Hangzhou. Kinda irrelevant but I feel like posting