Have Faith , Have Hope

“It feels like it has been a long time since the last time I gazed around,”  the girl absentmindedly said to her friend. “What do you mean?” Mia wondered. “You know… I think I am interested in a guy,” the girl blushed a bit, ”B-but I barely know about him.” Mia shrugged and sighed in relief, “Hmmm… But I am glad you have finally moved on.” The girl smiled, lost in thought.

“              I was once entrapped in an endless cycle, unable to get out.

All that consumed me was memories of him, of us.

Smile, pain, tears… All of the bundled up emotions swelling inside me

He was once my everything, the centre of my universe. Everything he said sounded so right and smart. 

The only thing I disagreed with him was when he said Love is not real , it does not exist. How could you say that, when I loved you so much? I wasted gallons of tears that time.

I loved him so much , and I know he will always have a place in my heart. I can never forget him who once took total control of my thinking abilities. 

Even after parting ways, I missed him.

His eyes, big hands, warm eyes, body scent… The small little gestures I know well

His voice, the way he talked… I found everything sexy that time. I wanted him so bad it hurt. Though he clearly rejected me away, he would occasionally acted sweet and drew me falling back to him. It was cruel.

It hurt and it still hurts to remember, I was into him for five long years and I doubted I’d ever recover from this hellish “disease” controlling my heart. I even doubted I have any love left for another. They say time heals all, why hasn’t mine healed yet?

Then I met another man in an unexpected place.

I knew nothing about him, yet my eyes followed him. He was charming, firm, strong, loving and kind. I saw his serious eyes and couldn’t tell what he was thinking.  I tried talking to him, asking for help which he did. He said, ”Count on me anytime”. Anytime?

I don’t exactly know what it is that is special about him. He isn’t a very good-looking type, cassanova type or prince type. But something drew me out of my hiding cocoon and I have no idea what even till now. Maybe it is his kindness , who knows.

It is too early to say I like him, we barely know each other and only met a short time. I’m not even sure when we can meet again but one fact alone paints a smile on my lips : I am free from the hellish cycle. My heart is ready for new gazillion possibilities and love. So time does heal all.

Even now, I’m still very afraid of the prospect of falling in love and getting hurt again. I still wipe my tears when I remember how the one I used to love so bad tossed me away with ridiculous answer like Your love ain’t real. Yes, I am scared but I am also excited at the same time. I can live normally like others now.

I can’t always wait for you, love. Five years worth of sorrow is more than enough. If I owed you in our past lives , consider it paid now. We are even. Dear, I   cannot   wait   for   you    forever. You will always be in my memories, that much is true but I gotta move on with my life. Siuil a run , Is go dté tú mo mhúirnín slán*

I can say with confidence now there is currently no man I love and I’m excited for the future above. Pain can’t be avoided, but at least it can be a lesson. My dear destined one, wherever you are, if you are now lonely thinking you can never get past this point… Deep down, believe that I exist. Because I do. Someday , somehow , somewhere we will be laughing about our insecurities.

For all the people stopping and staring, not moving forward, the time will indeed arrive and you can write a brand new chapter of life. Believe so. Butterflies will come back eventually to the field of flowers. Have faith, have hope        “

“KANA! You spacing out?” Mia grumbled in her akimbo position.

“I-I am sorry! Where were we?”

“You better tell me all about this charming man who snatched your eyes!” The two girls laughed happily.

A/N : Sorry for not updating for so long, I was on a trip to China (hehehee) and I must say I have tons of ideas now so stay tuned! This short rantings (ehm…) was inspired by friend who told me all about her love stories all night long via BBM when I was on that trip. Enjoy!

Sorry for making ur stories to this post XD

* siuil a run = Walk my love

Is go dté tú mo mhúirnín slán = May you be safe, my dear

-quoted from Irish folk song Siuil A Run

image taken by myself, at Hangzhou. Kinda irrelevant but I feel like posting