Roasted Sweet Potato

I personally love rural towns, away from big city’s crowds and fast pace. Even now while I’m inside a train and everything passes so rapidly, I love the green trees and blue sky. It brings bliss to my heart. With acoustic music playing in my earphone, the train advances rapidly to my hometown.

The hometown I once left

And I will leave again after my short vacation is over.

My mind drifts off to years ago…

Years ago,

 

“I’m so bored, mom!”, I nagged. “Miwa-chan is on vacation to Tokyo and Sawa-chan joins school summer camping. Why am I stuck at home?”

Mom sighed,”Yuki… Don’t complain so much. You know your little brother is sickly and I need to work… I hope you understand. After all, your dad…”

Whenever she mentioned about dad, mom always looked so sad. “I understand, mom”. She chuckled and ruffled through my hair, ”But today I am on leave. Although I have to take care of Toshio, you can go and explore the town. I will cook your favorite dish tonight, be back before 6 and don’t wander into the woods”

I nodded in agreement and stuffed some things into my small red bagpack. Two bars of wafers, a bottle of drinking water, 500 yen, bunny doll and home key. “I’m off, mom!”

“Have fun!”

That’s what she said…But where am I supposed to go? I thought to myself as I explored the small town. I headed to the shopping district and looked around. The shopping district looked same as always, full of different stores. There were liquor store, bakery, antique store, manju and dango store, grocery store and many more…

I was drawn by the smell of roasted sweet potato. Mrs Kurosawa laughed, “Ara… Yuki-chan? Wandering around alone to fill your summer holiday?”
“Good day, Mrs Kurosawa. Yes, I am a wanderer”

“Here, have a sweet potato. It’s on the house today”, she happily handed me

“Waaaaaah, thank you!”

I happily glomped on the treat and walked happily until I reached a park. I sat on one of the swings and ate. Then I heard someone crying. Hesitantly, I stood up and looked around but there was nobody around. I looked behind the huge tree at the park and saw a boy crouching and crying.

I said “a boy” but he was probably a few years older than me. He looked around junior high. My teacher once said boys don’t cry much so he must have been sick or hungry. I wasn’t sure what to do so I came to him and crouched while offering my sweet potato,

“Ummm… Are you hungry? Do you want some sweet potato? We can share”

Startled, he lifted his face and stared at me. One thing I noticed was his hair-it was purely black as ebony. Even the bright sunlight didn’t turn his hair into a brownish colour. He was wearing T-shirt and jeans, clutching a cellphone. 

The boy wiped his tears away, “I-I’m alright”

“Then why were you crying?”

“…It’s nothing, my stomach just hurts”, said the boy after seconds of silence. I split the sweet potato into halves and gave him the one without bite marks. “No, I couldn’t possibly…” he muttered as he shook his head. “Please eat it and cheer up… I cannot finish it alone anyway. A-and it’s on the house”

He chuckled lightly, ”Then I will accept your kindness”. We both stood up and moved to the swings where we sat and started eating.

“So, Oni-chan…”

“Ah, just call me Ryu. We don’t look many years apart”

“Umm.. Ryu-san?”

Ryu smiled, “Just Ryu is enough”

I pondered a bit and spoke,”I don’t think I have seen you before…”. Ryu chewed his sweet potato before answering,”I am on summer vacation at my grandpa’s place. I don’t have any parents after all… So on vacations I visit him”. His answer caught me off guard and I immediately apologized, “A-ah…I am sorry”.

He shook his head, “Don’t be. It is not like you did anything wrong anyway”

I listened to his story about how he lost his parents in a car accident last year (so it wasn't about stomachache...) and lived with his aunt in Tokyo.  He told me about his school, his soccer club activities, life in Tokyo. Being someone who had never left this small town, I was drawn into his story. Ryu then stopped as if he had realized something, “Ah… Sorry for keep babbling. You must be bored, huh? Tell me about yourself”

“I have no interesting story. My name is Yuki and I’m 12. I hate my name though, it makes me sound like a cold person”

Ryu stared at me for a few seconds and smiled, “But I like your name. Yuki as in snow right? Snow may be cold but I love it. The coldness snow brings give me warmth. It’s the same feeling when you open your front door on a snowy day. It makes me think that maybe I should try building a snowman or start warming the kotatsu. Another idea is to prepare for hot nabe dinner. Also snow is identical with Christmas and holidays. It is very heartwarming”

I never thought of that before, I inwardly admitted .

“So chin up, Yuki. I for one, think you too are a nice person”

“T-thanks…”

Since then, we played together a lot during summer break. Whenever mom didn’t have work, I’d use our house phone to call Ryu and we would then hang out together. Ryu had lots of stories about his life, like that one time he visited a foreign country called Indonesia  or when his parents once brought home an abandoned puppy.

Ryu was like a thick storybook full of amazing stories. I was never bored when I was with him and he never seemed to mind my boring stories like how I caught dragonflies when I was little or how my mom scolded me harshly because I wandered into the woods alone. Ryu was my center of universe.

Whenever summer ended, he would go back to Tokyo and sometimes sent me letters. Waiting for his letters were one of the exciting part in my life. We wrote about school, friends, sending each other pictures of beautiful things around us such as the flowers in my garden or a cup of parfait in Tokyo’s dessert café. Then every summer, he would come and we would be together again.

Before I realized, I enrolled into junior high and Ryu was in high school. Our worlds were even closer and we had a lot of similar stories. My feelings never changed, he was still my center of universe. For some reasons, he often mentioned that he had so many thoughts swirling in him and sometimes he just missed our tiny town where he could be himself.

I too, idolized the lifestyle he had. It just sounded so cool

We met again in the summer. Year by year, he looked different. His height always increased and his chest wider. When Ryu spoke, his voice was always calm and low… I loved his voice. Before I knew it, I started to stare at him. His calm eyes and smile, hair blowing in the wind. I wasn’t sure why but I wanted Ryu to just stay in this town. His gaze had always been melancholy but it was a part of him that I was used to.

“You’re prettier year by year,” Ryu blushed as he said that. “I don’t think I can still see you as the little sister anymore”. I felt happy when I heard that. Ryu too, was special. I have some friends in my school but none were like him.

Ryu understood me and always knew what to say, when I was down he would cheer me up in just a few lines in his letter and if it was summer, he would just stay beside me and say nothing. There were times I broke down and all he did was say nothing and just embrace me. And I knew Ryu well. Whenever he was down, I’d try my best to cheer him up.

I finally turned 15 and my mother gave me a present- it was a cute pink cellphone. I was so excited and sent him a letter to give him my number. Then we texted a lot, sometimes until midnight and we both fell asleep. The topic was still about our lives; how he struggled on test or how I loved high school’s uniform, about our club activities, the nasty curry in his school’s cafeteria, Mrs Kurosawa launching a new menu (Roasted potato this time) and many more…

However…

That summer, Ryu never came.

My texts were also replied in a very short way and sometimes took days before he finally replied. Ryu said that he was very busy because of college entrance exam and many other matters. I understood, but I felt lonely.

I did really feel lonely

Winter came and I hadn’t heard from him for almost a month. My heart was filled with fear that he was in trouble or maybe sick… Another part of me felt scared that maybe he just didn’t want to be my friend anymore or that he hates me now.

One snowy afternoon, my phone rang

“Hello?”

“Yuki, this is Ryu”

“R-Ryu! Where have you been? Are you okay?”

“Yeah… I am actually in your town right now. In the woods”

“At this time of year? I-I will come and meet you!”

Without hesitation, I grabbed my coat and ran out of the house ignoring my mom asking where I was going. My legs had memorized the way to the woods we often explored together. And I knew he would wait near a pond and a big tree. I passed through the shopping street and stopped when I smelled sweet potato.

I bought two and ran to the woods. Near the pond, Ryu was there. He looked even taller and more handsome now. He sat on a huge stone and chuckled, “Hey”. I didn’t understand what I felt. I was so glad to see him. I wanted to just rush to him and hug him but my logic stopped me.

“I… brought sweet potatoes”

“Sweet potatoes, eh? Brings back memories. Here, there’s another big rock beside me, sit down”

We sat side by side and for a long time said nothing. We just ate. Like the first time we met. Ryu sighed, “I’m sorry I couldn’t visit this summer. I was in extensive course for university exam”
“T-That’s okay, really! I understand”

He sighed again, “I should be studying now but I just had to see you before I leave”

“S-so are you on vacation?”’

Ryu was quiet, then he spoke, “My grandfather’s funeral was yesterday… “

His words pierced through me like a block of cold ice. “Please… Accept my condolences”

“It is alright, he left in peace. I just…Miss him“

I couldn’t say anything, so I just hugged him tight. “I’m here,” I muttered. He didn’t say a word, just nodded. Minutes passed, an hour passed. Still in my embrace Ryu spoke, ”I’m sorry, Yuki… This might probably the last time we met…”

I thought my heart had stopped at that time

“Ryu…?”

“Now that he is gone… My aunt is moving to United States… And I am coming”

“But…Ryu! You are an adult, you don’t have to follow her!” –I know I was sounding selfish but it was an outburst I couldn’t control. I wanted to always be with Ryu

“You know what, Yuki? Ever since I met you, my world was way brighter. I hated my life ever since my parents left me but you always listen to me with your innocent smile. You were the center of my universe, I felt that I was actually living a good life whenever you happily responded to my stories. For a moment, I could forget all my boring problems…”

“No… Your stories are always interesting,” I tried to keep myself from crying

He continued,“I waited for summer and glad each seasons passed. I began watching signs of seasons; the first buds of spring, cicadas emerging in summer, falling leaves in autumn and first snow of winter. Before I realized, I found my dream –I wanted to learn about sky and beyond, about meteorology… And for that dream, I want to go to the States too”

I was in loss of words

“…And my aunt is a widow, I can’t leave her alone. She has done so much for me”

He sighed and pulled away from me, pulled out a necklace and wrapped it around my neck. It was a cute pendant shaped like roasted potato. “I thought my life was worthless and I had no dream but you changed my world. And for that I really am indebted to you. You saved me”

I just stared at him

“You’re beautiful, really. I keep all the pictures you sent to me. But I must go… And I don’t want to be selfish asking you to wait. It might take my whole life before I succeed… And you deserve to live a happy life, not just waiting for me like you’ve always done all these years”

“Ryu, I…”

Before I could say another word, he pulled me into a deep kiss. My tears rolled through my cheeks as my mind flashed back to all the fun time we spent. He then pulled away

“I love you… I hope you will ever forgive me…”

Ryu had tears in his eyes. He smiled and stood up, then left. I was dumbfounded and speechless. For hours, I just sat there and stared at nothing. My hand clutched the pendant hard and I broke into tears

To nobody, I screamed alone in the woods

“I…I love you too!!!!”

Why didn’t I say it back to him? Why didn’t I chase his back and hugged him again? Why didn’t I? Regret slammed me and left me breathless. That was the last time and I would never see him again, I couldn’t accept that!

It took me a year before I recovered from my depression. I kept sending texts and letters, knowing that they would never reach him. I understood that he didn’t want to bind me because it was selfish, I understood his hardships and how painful it was for him.

But I wanted to be with him

He was my everything

After high school, I went to a college in Tokyo while working part time. Men approached me but none could compare to Ryu.

Even until now… I regret never telling him how I feel all these time.

Ryu, I am sorry…

My flashbacks got interrupted when I heard the name of my hometown announced. I clutch the roasted sweet potato pendant from back then and sighed as I stood up. I don’t go straight home and take detour around the town. I haven’t come back for years due to college and I now I’m back after earning my bachelor degree. I have been working for a company for years and didn’t have much time to go back

The town remains the same

The park is the same and the stores were still the same. Mrs Kurosawa’s son is now the one selling sweet potatoes while Mrs Kurosawa mostly rests at home. The same bakery, liquor store… The same air and the same feeling

My mind subconsciously leads me into the woods, still carrying my luggage like a fool.

The same pond, same trees and rocks.

Just there is no Ryu…

And there will never be another Ryu…

Ryu, do you know? I can’t even count how many times I think of you and this place. I’d do anything to once again hug you and tell you how much I love you.

I want to share sweet potatoes with you once again

“…Ryu,” I muttered as I tried not to cry

“I’m here,” a voice was behind me. That voice… I turned back and saw a man there standing. He had ebony black hair and was wearing a suit. The man was carrying two roasted sweet potatoes and smiling. It’s Ryu!

“Ryu…?”
“Yuki, I never thought I’d ever see you here… I heard that you moved to Tokyo”

I am dumbfounded by his presence, it felt like a dream. Trembling, I approach and touch his hand. He is real!

As if understanding that I am in a daze, he continued “I am actually on business trip to Japan… So I thought I’d sneak out and come here to… Well, to reminisce. Then I heard from Mrs Kurosawa that you are working in Tokyo and rarely comes back. But then… Here you are”

He handed me my share of sweet potato

“Here, for the sake of old time”

I don’t even take it, my emotion is currently like a dam about to burst and I don’t know how to react anymore. I just stare at him…

“Ryu…

I…I…”

He just stays quiet and listens to me, like the old times

I can no longer stop my tears and shout, “You stupid man! Selfish! You said I saved you, you go and reach your dreams... You said you loved me… What about me? You don’t think about me at all, leaving me here alone”

Ryu sighs,“I… I don’t know, I thought that… I don’t know when I will be back and I don’t wish for you to wait for me. You deserve much happiness with another man who can be there for you. Not somebody like me who cannot even make simple promises”

I just can’t stop crying, “That is selfish! We can work something out… We can send letters or at least email each other…”

“I’m sorry, Yuki…”

“Ryu, I…I love you! I never said it back… I regretted it for years…”

“Yuki…”

Ryu shrugs, he puts the sweet potatoes on the rock and pulls me to a tight hug,

“…I was a fool. Even in The States I couldn’t forget. My feet led me to this woods the moment I realized…”

“Stupid Ryu…”

“I miss you so much, Yuki… I thought I’d never see you again. I'm so happy when I saw the pendant you were wearing”

I don’t know anymore, I just cry on his chest as loud as I can. The only man I’ve loved; the center of my universe,  the letters I wait for, the smile I miss so much. He chuckles happily, probably as relieved as I am that we are back together.

“B-but… Aren’t you going back to the States?”

“I am”

“R-Ryu…!!!”

“Ssshh,” he plants a kiss on my lips without pulling away and smiling. “Won’t you come with me? Actually I even bought a ring but I left it in States”

“Wha… B-but you said you didn’t even know if you would see me again”

“Call it a risk, a gamble. I just had to take the chance. I thought my heart would burst when I saw a woman here…I even calculated all my financial data before coming here to get you. I am sure I have enough fund to bring you along with me”

“Ryu…You…
I…

I mean….

Ugh, I love you so much, you dummy! ”

Ryu laughs so hard,

“Yes, I know. Same here-please stay with me always. Your presence warms my life, Yuki. Just like the snow that makes my day better. Let’s always be together!”

And that is my story

Ryu was the center of my universe

Ryu is still the center of my universe

Ryu will always be

And it all started with a roasted sweet potato…