Warm December

I hate this sight.

I hate seeing all these stupid lovebirds strolling around this shopping mall. Air is cold, Christmas decorations are all over. Funny how places decorated for Christmas always look brighter and sparkling. Don’t get me wrong, I do like the sense of tranquility Christmas emits but I hate seeing all the happy families and couples. Yes, I admit I am such a killjoy.

Earlier today, our lecturer decided to leave early and now here I am…Bored as ever among all these people. It is getting cold but I don’t feel like going home. Why should I go home? Home doesn’t even feel like… home. My so-called “home” is a small apartment room with nobody inside. I left home last year because I couldn’t stand my parents arguing every day. When I told them to just separate, they used me as an excuse to carry on.

Do me a favor and answer: How is forcing to be together good for your child? Unhappy household is the most lethal toxic for children, at least I believe so. For years, I’ve watched them arguing and living without any happiness. I was never happy at all. I don’t even feel like being with my classmates who are busy gossiping about how their parents bought them latest smartphone. Those kinds of stories are sickening, okay? I stare at my wristwatch-In thirty minutes, I’d have to head to my part time workplace. Just a simple donut shop.

I quicken my walking pace and head to the shop.

***

The donut shop “DONUT CASTLE” is crowded as ever, selling tons of special Christmas edition donuts. There are red velvet donuts, berry and mint donuts, gingerbread donuts, Santa-shaped donuts and a box full of cute mini Christmas donuts. My colleague, Mary, is beside me humming a song. Incidentally, she is also the only friend I have.

“You sound chirpy, Mary. Something good happened?”

“Nah, just that my usual joint is having a sale on cosmetics”

“Hmmm…I see”

Mary is the kind of girl who is very updated when it comes to fashion, make up and trends. She’s a blonde 167 cm tall girl who’s very fashionable and pretty. Guests of this shop will always glance at her with pinkish cheeks. I asked her before why she didn’t try being a model but she said that she doesn’t like being recognized by a huge mass of people.

“You know”, Mary spoke, ”I’ve always said this to you but why don’t you try?”

“Try?”

“You know, fashion trends, make up… You’re actually cute you know”

“I just…don’t like that kind of thing”

“It’s kind of a waste. Just give me two hours and I can make you look TOTALLY different”

I just laugh, ”Maybe I will take your offer when there is a big event or party”

“Are you still… Kind of traumatized about two years ago?”

Two years ago, huh? It felt like yesterday. My dad has always been a huge loser, he never loved us at all. I swore all men off, I hate them…I wish I kept hating them two years ago. There was this cute guy who…Made me believe in men once again. He was kind, loving and everything I ever wished for. He treated me like a princess and made me feel whole… Until he left me like a trash.

I guess all men are trash

I know what you’re going to tell me now : Don’t judge the whole ocean just because of a drop of seawater or other sayings but I seriously don’t feel a thing anymore upon seeing the males of human race. I feel like they will hurt me eventually, I have to build my walls.

I have to…

“Hey”

I look up and meet the eyes of a young man with glasses. He’s wearing casual shirt and jeans with white coat,his hands tucked into the pockets.

“Ummm… One hot Americano and two sugar donuts, takeaway”

“Coming right up”

I stuff two donuts into a small box, “Need some extra sugar?”

“Ah no, thank you. My grandma can’t eat too much sugar”

Too much info, but I’m intrigued, “Grandma?”

“Yeah, I’m visiting her for a short while. She likes the donuts here, even though doctors told her not to”

I just laugh and hand him his orders,”That’d be ten dollars”

“Here you go”

“Thanks”

***

Since then, the man frequently visits our shop. Sometimes to buy donuts and other time just for coffee. There’s something enchanting when I see him sitting on the small table and chair at the shop’s corner , reading his book. At times, I wonder what he’s reading about

Seeing him has become a part of my life

And I love his voice when he talks to his grandma, so gently and full of love. Before long, I wonder how it feels to be loved by him. I think this is just how human brains are designed. We fall, we cry, we stand up…And fall again.

We seek for love, no matter how any times it breaks us down. We build walls but wait for that one person who will break the walls. We say we are fed up but we still wish for more. Ironically, you always have fallen to deep when you actually realize it.

Then one day, he comes to the counter.

“Donuts as usual?”

“That and one more thing”

“Berry donut? It’s our current best seller”

“May I have your number, Sheila?”,he said while staring at my name tag

I chuckle and smile

The air is still cold as ever and I hate crowds, but for once I don’t hate the people anymore. The scent of coffee flutters through the shop, I guess this year’s Christmas will be a bit warmer