His PoV
I guess it really is over. I’m just here, slowly being
swallowed in the darkness with only streetlights illuminating my heart. Inside
my car, now it’s only mine and no longer ours. “Metallic black horse”-the silly
name you gave to this sport car. I chuckle as your face appears in my mind,
that fair and smooth face… I miss pinching your cheeks. I wish I could get off
this car now and enter our home, then I will hug your fragile back once again .
However, it is not even our home any longer. It hurts, I suffocate thinking
about it. Here I am, outside of a place we once called our little sanctuary-our
simple home, yet too cowardly to even step out of this car.
That window on the second floor is dark, are you asleep? I
can’t even close my eyes at night. When I do, your voice lingers and I can
smell the scent of your shampoo. I used to say your hair smells like a kid’s because
of the orange-scented shampoo but now I’d
do anything just to have you beside me. Anything.
I scroll through your Instagram timeline and I don’t find our pictures anymore.
I feel like a loser, stalking all your social medias. Get a life ,my friends said to me. It is all my own fault, I
wasted you.
I wanted to have a taste of forbidden fruit, now I can’t turn
back. Hah, look at me sounding like Shakespeare. I can’t survive a day without
staring at a picture where you look so…charming. I remember well, I took it. It
is probably the only me-related post left in your accounts. Your face has
always been so natural, without any trace of colour brushes yet you look
flawless. You don’t dye your hair or curl but I think black suits you the most.
I love your cute T-shirts with silly prints, girls like you are hard to find.
So why was I such an idiot? I stupidly got attracted by
those women in heels, golden purses, with hot smoky faces. I was smitten by one
of them with her seductive words, enjoying the feel of sharp red claws on my
back. The taste of liquor from her lips that made me drunk and all was just…
Spinning around. I felt like a cool man, walking alongside such gorgeous lady
with her tight red mini dress. I was a fool, I was even more foolish than a
foolish fool. I let you down.
Her PoV
I know you’re parking in front of our— I guess now it is
yours yet I shamelessly made you get out. I’m not asleep, as if I can sleep.
For nights , I just want to curl into a ball and scream as loud as I can ‘till
my heart is empty but I can’t. I scream deep inside demanding God or whoever
created fate to just take me away. Half of my soul was stripped away and now I
feel bare and fragile. He was everything I wanted, all I have, all I trust and
now I barely know him. How could I stay calm when I saw clear red lip print on
his neck? Tell me, how? He was drunk, and he immediately fell asleep . I couldn’t
even cry as I packed his stuff all to big boxes and shipped them away to his
eldest brother’s house. I was a bastard, I know this house is legally ours but he
paid for it so it is actually his. I guess my brain could barely work that
time. The next day, I left home early leaving a note for you. I never thought
you’d actually get out of the house though.
I know that each and every nights, you park outside till the
sun comes up then leaves. I hope you’d stop, stop sending those apology texts
or try calling or sending me emails. Stopstopstop!!!
Just…Stop. Where did my baby go? Who was that man who started being
distant, no longer hugs or ruffles through my hair? Who was that man who came
home so late and ignored my texts? Who? Give
me back my man! Give him back!!!!,and I keep I screaming inside –all while
being wrapped under my blanket. I want your lingering husky voice to stop
calling me, I want to forget the warmth of your big hands. Leave me alone!
08:00
His PoV
Her forgiveness is something I can never get. That morning I
found a note, “Get Out, Stranger”. I
knew she saw me… She saw the texts in my phone. It’s over. I walked around the
house, looking at our pictures. She has always been so naturally cute-her kind
heart was one-in-a-million and I knew I wanted her since the beginning.
Curiosity does kill, what was I thinking “trying out” the girl out there who
only cared about salon and clothes and seducing me just so I buy her those
Prada handbags? Why did I waste my girl, the one who stayed up late texting me
back then and accompanying me watch World Cup while snacking ? Sure she isn’t
slim and sexy like models, but as a man I like her curvy cute fleshy body. Now
I sound like a psycho hahahahhh.
I loved her and still do-her cute sandwiches, her never-ending
book shopping list, her obsession in collecting kids meal toys… Everything. I
was stupid , please smile to me once more… Call my name once again. It’s
totally my fault and I owe you happiness. I cut her off, the woman in heels but
still she ain’t coming back. Now I’m a loser, laying around at my eldest
brother’s home and not working. What am I doing with my life?
I text her again,
“I can’t sleep, I miss you. I’m sorry, I was a fool…Please
give me a second chance… I love you so….”
Her PoV
I love you too…The you before. Your brother called me, saying
I should at least talk to you once again but what is there to say? I’m not
enough for you. Not slim enough , not pretty enough and I guess not good in
satisfying you. But I tried! I searched up recipes for good lunchboxes, tried
to dress up a bit but heels and tight dresses just don’t suit my big body! I
guess love alone is never enough.
Your voice…It keeps lingering no matter how much I tell it
to stop ringing in my head. Chance? I want to give you one but…I can’t trust
you anymore. You think having texts unreplied is simple but for us girls? IT FUCKING HURTS WHEN YOU READ BUT NEVER
REPLY. It hurts when your usual “What’s
up? ^^ Wait okk,I’m driving at the moment hehe” turns to “Yes?” “I’m driving”. It hurts when you grow distant and don’t even hug me
anymore. Now I’m crying hard, screaming after keeping it in for days. I…will
just call Ann saying I’m sick and can’t make it to work. I can’t go, not in
this state. I know he has been stalking me to my workplaces too. Stop it…Please…
Stop ringing in my head…Stop…
15:00
His PoV
She isn’t in today, why is she skipping work? I sip my cup
of coffee while walking in a shopping department we used to visit a lot.
Foolish, but I wish I could see her here even just from afar. A song rings in
my head, a song I just heard from the radio
“Answer me, say it now
Say it now, your
lingering voice
It’s too late but
slowly, say it now
Only after it was
over, I’m standing here, can’t believe it… Baby I’m so sorry”
It was by a Korean guy named Max of TVXQ ,titled Apology, but
it really broke me into tears. Apology,
apology…I was a jerk and you should forget me but I’m afraid of your
forgetting me. I want to leave traces I exist, “we” existed. I want to hammer my every inch to your mind. I want to
kiss my baby, my dearest one. Why is she skipping work today? I hope she ain’t
sick.
Her PoV
I’m tired… I know he has cut off contact with that woman and
he really means it. It’s me who can no longer trust. It hurts too much, boy… and
I need a short trip somewhere or I will go mad
21:00
His PoV
Why isn’t she home? The door is shut tight too. I’ve been
afraid of using my keys but tonight I’m getting in. It’s dark… Where is she? I
get into the house and search… One of our bags is missing along with some of
clothes and belongings.
She left her ring
Our rings… I cry
out as I slam my fists to the door. Is everything too late? Have I lost my
baby? I can’t…I’m gonna keep looking until I find her. She can slap me , kill
me anything… I just want to see her. I realize I don’t need a Paris Hilton as
my girlfriend-I need her, the one who loves me not just to my moon and back but
all my sky along with storms and thunders. I’m
going insane!
It hurts deeper and deeper, now I know without you I’m a
soulless flesh… Void being without any reasons to live. I miss you… I’m sorry..
A week passed…
20:00
Her PoV
As I thought, a short getaway to countryside is calming. The
air and stuff, the friendly people… AND GOOD FOOD! I feel better. I’ve switched
off my phone for a week but I guess time to face my life. With trembling hands,
I switch my phone on. As I thought miscalls and texts from him overflow. I wonder
when he will get tired of this. I read a text from his brother,
“I know he’s wrong,
he’s at fault but he truly realizes his errors now… Please forgive him. I can’t
stand seeing him like this. He drives everywhere to find you, cries and screams
at night and he takes antidepressant pills nowadays.
He loves you.
Please…”
My eyes tear up, my baby is one of the strongest men out
there. Even when he’s really sad, he doesn’t cry. What…What am I to do? I want
to scream to now, until my life fades away… It hurts, like a blade piercing
through my heart. Memories of us flash back-the trip to Japan together, our
midnight dates, our lazy Sunday watching TV at home, our…everything. God tell
me, what do I do now?
His PoV
I’m wrecked… I’m just wrecked. Where is she? My body could
hardly handle any more sleepless nights but I can’t stand dreaming about you
and waking up knowing it is a mere illusion.
A dream is a wish your heart makes, Cinderella said. True. I know apologies
alone can’t make it, I tried proving with real acts still you won’t come back.
Girl, I love you so… Call my name, just once more
Hold my hand once more as you drag me to the nearest
bookstore
Complain about my eating habit once more
All those annoying little things I hate about you… Now I’d
die just to have them back . I’m begging you, come back… And that’s the last
thing in my mind before everything blacks out.
I’m… Sorry
23:00
Her PoV
Nononono… Please be
alright. I tremble, hugging my own body. Don’t go like this… I love you
despite my screams. I will never forgive you if you die. I keep replaying the
conversation with that nurse, “We found
your picture and phone number in the patient’s wallet” Nononono “…in critical condition” Nonono stop…Stop…
“hit by a huge tree trunk when lightning
struck…” God,don’t punish him yet.. Don’t take him away from me. I’m crying
hard now as I run to the hospital
I’m so sorry
I could have at least listened to you… Baby, I miss you
*
* *
His PoV
I
am not…dead yet huh? Shit, my head hurts. I sit and try to pull the damn needle
out of my vein. “What do you think you’re doing?!’,my brother yelled.
“I’m…gonna
search for her”
“Wha…”
“Next
I’m going out of town”
“You’re
mad!”
“…I
am, mad about her. I love that girl…”
“Stop
doing this to yourself!”
My
eldest brother slaps me hard but I no longer feel a thing.
I
stand up and walk to the door, my brother just freezes in a loss of words. Then
I see her. In front of me, her face a mess with tears. Am I…dreaming? Am I
actually dead? She runs to me and embraces me hard while crying hard.
Her
scent…Warmth…
I…am home.
I
sob as I hug her back. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…. I love you…I really
do…I…I….”
Her
voice was muffled in tears but I hear her,
“I…love
you too”
And
I’m home, to your warm embrace. And now I know what I truly want in life. I don’t
need a perfect partner, I want you who’s perfect in my life…
Safely back in your arms...
I
Love You
song : Max (TVXQ)-Apology from album Rise as Gods
song : Max (TVXQ)-Apology from album Rise as Gods
